Granted this isn't the nicest of blog posts I'll ever do, but I feel like I need to make awareness of IBS more out there. I'm one of the millions of people suffering with it, and I'm amongst the many that don't actually want to talk about it. I'm not posting this just for my benefit but so others can see exactly what my day to day life is like.
Since being "diagnosed" (I hate that word...) my life has completely changed. I've known I've had stomach issues for around 4 years now - not long after a trip to Liverpool. I caught a very bad stomach bug and ever since, I catch nearly every stomach bug going. I only really became aware of it when it started to change how I live...meaning I now stay in a lot more than I go out because I can't be anywhere where I don't know the location of the nearest toilet. People think I'm joking when I say that, but I can barely make it to work which is 10 minutes away, without rushing straight to the toilet when I get there.
I hate the stigma that surrounds my IBS, a lot of people think I fake it because one day I can be absolutely fine and the next, I could be a blithering wreck. This is just how it is. I never know how I'm going to be one day to the next, however lately it's taken a toll for the worst. A lot of people think I'm overthinking this but I'm simply not. Every single day I wake up feeling extremely nauseous and within half an hour of being awake, the stomach cramps start. I can go to the toilet about 5-6 times before I even leave for work and when I do, I start getting hot and I get cold sweats, then I start to panic. Not because something bad will happen, but because the cramps are so intense that I can't do anything but simply let my body do what it wants to do.
For example, this weekend is my full weekend off from work and I've done nothing but stay in my pyjamas and watch tv on the sofa under the duvet because I cannot face going out. Today I've been to the toilet around 10 times and it's only 1pm. My stomach is bloated, I feel nauseous and I cannot eat anything due to this. Is this really how I should be living my life? Shouldn't I be going out, doing the things that I really want to without thinking "Where's the nearest toilet?"...
I have to be extremely careful which foods I eat as literally anything can set my IBS off. Pasta, cheese, potato, chicken, anything. I cannot pinpoint one thing that makes my stomach churn. Like I said before, I can eat something one day and be fine, then eat it the next and become very poorly from it. I've had to keep a food diary for the last 6 months or so and there isn't any sort of definite pattern. I cannot eat breakfast because it makes me feel so sick, no matter what I try. The only thing that works for me in the morning is peppermint tea, I find that really helps my stomach to settle. I generally don't eat until around 10-11am, where I find my stomach starts to calm down.
I've been backwards and forwards to the doctors numerous times about my stomach and each time they've told me to try different things. I've now been told I have to take a similar product to Imodium every single day, alongside buscopan. Failing this, I'll be moved on to something else. I'm now waiting for my hospital appointment to come around so I can have more tests done to find out exactly what's happening but I'm starting to worry. Not because I'm scared of getting a diagnosis of something, but I'm worried about how I'll feel about having this for the rest of my life. I can't explain it...
I constantly feel like there's a huge weight on my shoulders, I'm always thinking about where the nearest toilet is no matter where I go. I dread having to go out in case I get caught short, I even try to make myself think I'm okay but in reality all that does it make it worse for me. I find myself getting upset with myself on a regular basis because there's nothing I can do at the minute to help myself. Now to look at me, you wouldn't think that all of this is a daily occurrence for me but it really is. Every single day I wake up wondering how I'm going to feel, if I'll even make it to work and how I'll feel so the rest of the day. When I wake up I feel so bloated, I avoid wearing certain items of clothing now just so other people can't notice it.
For all the people that make jokes about toilets, stomach issues and the embarrassment around them, just remember someone is actually having to deal with this every single day of their life. Not just me, but many people around you. Just have some consideration for those people even if they don't make it known to you that they have stomach troubles.
The real reason I'm writing this post is because I just want to make myself aware how much IBS has really changed my life and how much people tell me it shouldn't. It's difficult living every single day not being able to eat the foods I want to and drink whatever I want to. If you have a stomach issue, just remember there are so many people around you that potentially have one too, it's better to talk about it than to keep it to yourself.
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