Me and my skin.

This post has been inspired by a video I stumbled across on Youtube by My Pale Skin (link to video) and it really got me thinking about the journey I've been on with my skin. 

My skin is something I've always had a love-hate relationship with. One day it'll be smooth, matte and look amazing, the next I can be an utter grease ball and have flaky skin. I've always felt self conscious of my skin as I'm quite freckly on my arms and face and have been on a never ending battle to find a foundation which covers the freckles on my face. 

After looking through some old photos not so long ago, I realised how different my skin is now to when I was a teenager. I stumbled across a photo of myself I took when I was around 17, now to look at this you'd think okay..your skin isn't that bad, but trust me, under that foundation I was hiding a multitude of marks. When I look back at this photo, I realise how self conscious I was as a teenager, and how much this has effected me right up until this day. And I now realise how much it shouldn't have done. 

Throughout my teenage years, I went from pillar to post with my acne. One day I'd feel confident enough to go out without foundation on as my skin had cleared a little more, other days I would sit and re-do my foundation 2-3 times before I even left the house because I didn't think it looked right. I frequently wore long sleeved tops to cover my arms or wore 3/4 sleeves because I hated how my freckles looked, despite people telling me that they're nothing to be ashamed of and that actually they're a sign of "beauty". I also remember at one point, I wanted to give up because nothing I used or wore made me feel any better.

Fast forward 5 years and I'm now in my early 20's (22 to be exact!) and it's a completely different story. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not fully there yet. I still have the odd breakout, my skin is still very much so going through phases of being greasy, dry, freckly, spotty. I also have a lot more red pigmentation in my skin now then I did back then. But I now know how to manage it better. It's amazing after 5 years how much different I feel. I go out a lot more often without makeup on now, and if anything my freckles are more noticeable now than they were back then. My face no longer bothers me, if I get a spot I think hey, it'll go, it might leave a scar but I now know how to tackle it, should I need to. 

Another thing I've always worried about throughout my teenage years and into my 20's is stretch marks. The skin on the rest of my body is very very fair, so any little mark stands out like a sore thumb. I've always had stretch marks on the sides of my boobs and the very tops of my thighs, but I've always worried about getting stretch marks on any other part of my body. My stomach mainly, as I've always been extremely self conscious of this area and if anything, I've done everything in my power to stop getting stretch marks and it's worked.

However, all of this changed when I had my appendix out last August. 

This is the first photo I've taken of my stomach since last year (apart from the day after I had my appendix out to show my sister my scars) and it honestly makes me feel so sad looking at this. 

Before anyone asks, I haven't lost a substantial amount of weight, nor have I put it on. This all started appearing around 2 months after having my appendix out. I don't have any words to describe what it feels like for me to look at this photo, and to post it on the internet. I remember showing someone these because I didn't know what products to use to make them fade and the words uttered out of their mouth have stayed with me since. "You look as if you've had a baby, or you might as well have done with those". 

To me, this has knocked me back so much. As I said previously, I'm really not bothered by my face any more but this? This gets me down every single day and I don't know what to do about it. They're deep, they're red, they're itchy and they're sore. I hated my stomach to begin with and this just tops it off really. 

I know stretch marks fade with time and a lot of you might be thinking "well how many people actually see your stomach..." but that's not the point. I know they're there and I don't know when they'll go. 

Having my appendix out has really left a mental scar for me, one that I'd rather forget. These stretch marks are a daily reminder for me of what I went through, how scared I was and how helpless I felt. The doctors told me that I'd only have a tiny scar on my stomach, which is actually slap bang in the middle of that huge stretch mark on the left side of my stomach. Now I'm left with these. Yes it upsets me and in fact it's upset me writing this post, but I need to get to grips with having them and learn how to love them, because they're here to stay. 

This post is to just remind myself that although I may not have the perfect skin, I just need to be a little bit more grateful for the skin that I do have. 

Do you have any skin imperfections, if so what are they and how do you deal with them?

♥